


Dear Ella

by blackjack34212



Category: Dear Ella, Original Work
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-04-25 09:29:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4955149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackjack34212/pseuds/blackjack34212
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Attempt at a new type of story, a response. This will be more directly addressed to the woman I adore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dear Ella: The Scientist

**Author's Note:**

> If I could get feed back on this type of series, that would be great.

      Dear Ella,

 

Do you know what you mean to me? You mean the world to me. Tonight as I listened to a pastor he said "Do you ever want to be so close to someone, that you don't care of the consequences? You don't care what others think, and you don't care that you might lose friends, respect, and even best friends?" Ella, I want to be that close to you. Sometimes, a song has so much meaning, and sometimes a song is something you wish you wrote. Cold play nails my feelings on the head about you Ella, The Scientist:

 

 "Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry  
You don't know how lovely you are  
  
I had to find you  
Tell you I need you  
Tell you I set you apart  
  
Tell me your secrets  
And ask me your questions  
Oh, let's go back to the start  
  
Running in circles  
Coming up tails  
Heads on a science apart  
  
Nobody said it was easy  
It's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be this hard  
  
Oh, take me back to the start  
  
I was just guessing  
At numbers and figures  
Pulling the puzzles apart  
  
Questions of science  
Science and progress  
Do not speak as loud as my heart  
  
Tell me you love me  
Come back and haunt me  
Oh, and I rush to the start  
  
Running in circles  
Chasing our tails  
Coming back as we are  
  
Nobody said it was easy  
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be so hard  
  
I'm going back to the start"

Ella, These lyrics have never been more real to me, you tell me your worried about the future, and believe me, so am I. "Nobody said it was easy, oh its such a shame for us to part." For me this means it will be hard for us, and it hurts when we part ways even just for a short time. Dear Ella, you said that your up at night thinking about me, Ella, I stay up all night thinking about you, and have been for a long time. Ella, you occupy my mind at almost every waking moment. You give me chills when I read the words you write to me, because words written are more permanent than words spoken. Ella, when I see you I lose every plan I've made. I spent days coming up with ideas of what I will say, do when I see you. Oh Ella, if you only knew, how much effort I put into just the small talk we have. You are so important to me. You ignite my heart, you brought light into my world. Like a pillar of hope, you saved me from despair and loneliness. Dear Ella, never leave. My dear, do you know that I have a shirt, the one you wrote your name on pinned on my wall, so when I wake up in the morning, your name is the first thing I see. You said that you want to spend countless hours in my arms. Ella, that singular line that you wrote left me speechless. I promise you that at the very moment that I can: I will hold you for as long as I can. Dear Ella, do you know something:  _I love you._


	2. Dear Ella: Swallowed in the Sea

Dear Ella,

 

       To hear your voice makes me smile. Something about your voice ignites my heart, its as if all the sadness I've felt from being away just melts away, to just hear your voice changes my entire mood. Dear Ella, do you know how beautiful you are? Sometimes, I wonder if anyone ever tells you. If no one does let me be the one to tell you, your gorgeous, from your red freckled nose and your emerald eyes, to your golden curls. Dear Ella,  _Your stunning._ You say that the most painful thing to hear is that someone doesn't trust you, Ella... I believe that I would trust you with my life.I trust your words Ella, and for me, that is something else. Dear, Ella, do you know that you change my preconceptions? I used to think I couldn't trust anyone, that's changed. Truthfully, I could sit her all day writing about you, carefully crafting some delicate poem about how amazing you are, but let me spell it out to you what you've done for me and what you mean to me in two sentences:

 

Ella, you cut me down to size and opened up my eyes, and made me realize what I could not see. You mean the world to me, I can't wait to see you again, and wait for you, in a room away from the world and just tell you everything; everything about me, and listen to you say everything about you.

 

I long for your next letter, and hopefully I'll have one for you too. Dear Ella, I'm terrified and excited for the future that we have.


	3. Dear Ella: Cinderella

Dear Ella,

      Your like a drug to me. When I have you I'm on this joyous euphoric high fueled by just being with you. Then suddenly just like a drug, when your gone I have withdraws. Sometimes it happens immediately, and other times it takes time, but when you leave... I... I just hate it. It feels like my joy is being taken away. I saw a picture of you today, in a Cinderella Dress, I only caught a glimpse, the photo didn't really focus on you. I hope you took pictures because the little I saw was beautiful. I don't think the real Cinderella could have done any better herself. That was when I started to hurt; Ella, I wish you could understand how my mind works, and I promise, that somehow I'll explain it to you in perfect detail, but seeing you like that; I never wanted to be there with you so much.  _I wanted to be the Prince._ Arrogant I know, I'm not a prince by any means. My mind, it just consumes me every day. I have an extremely anxious mind Ella. When I know you are leaving, to go away for a while, I can't help but be nervous, "What if..." A thousand "What if's" burn through my mind." I don't know, maybe one day I'll lose all my anxiety. I hope that much at least. I'm dying to see you again. If I'm being honest, I can't stop thinking about a line you wrote down: "I want to spend countless hours in your arms." It has been weeks since I read that line, since you wrote it. I hope that never changes, I look forward to the moment that you can spend time in my arms. That thought eases my soul, if you only knew what it meant to me to write this 'story' or 'letter' whatever it's called. It feels good to let all of this out, it never seems I can tell you these things in person, it always seems were surrounded by too many people. Oh, Ella. Can I be the prince? 


	4. Dear Ella: Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was going to write another installment of Smile, but until my mood changes back to joyous, I can't find myself able too.

Dear Ella,

 

      Oh, Ella. Let me be honest, I was jealous this weekend. No more running in circles, and hinting things, or not revealing everything. Dear, Ella; let me play everything out for you. Because, I'm afraid of confrontation, its hard for me to tell you these things unless it is in written form. After not hearing from you for a couple days, I began to worry. You already know how my mind works, so of course I thought worst case scenarios. You died, dramatic right? But, I did think that a couple times. That maybe on your road trip to Disney, that maybe something had happened. I got over that when you got back into town. However, without speaking to you I began to think other thoughts. I thought: maybe your upset at me over something I wrote. Then when I saw you on the weekend, I began to think different things. IT was irritating me that a couple of my 'friends' were flirting with you. Then I met the guy with the ukulele; then I saw you and your sister talking with him a lot. Then I saw him seeking you out, and I began to think that maybe you liked him. I'm sorry that I didn't even give you a chance, but that's how my mind tends to work sometimes. So, since I'm still being honest. I began to hurt, because I was feeling like I was losing you, because the fact that we weren't talking as much, and our conversations were less real. I still had hope though. I hadn't given up. Your letter helped, but your note on Sunday lacked any emotion, so I was worried that you aren't feeling me anymore. To be honest, I was worried that with you focusing on God so much, that you feel like I'm a hindrance. That's how I felt for a while. I got over when I saw you begin to grow spiritually. I can't read your Mind Ella. I wish I could, because if you see me a hindrance, just tell me. If I can't improve, then drop me. I won't lie, I wouldn't be able to get over you, especially since you have a piece of me. However, I can say this: All I want is for you to be happy, and for you to be the best you can possibly be, and if I'm holding you back, then I'd rather you leave me. You have no idea how hard that is for me to admit. But, dear Ella, that's something I've learned: I'm grateful for the joy you've given me, and I'm grateful for the fact that you brought me to the light, even if that meant I had to get broken first. I just pray that your being distant for other reasons. Or, maybe I've just seen things in a different light. Whatever the case, know something: I've never had feelings so strong for anyone in my entire life. I've never had anyone make me contemplate my entire existence, nor give me such strong feelings of love, and pain. God once told me to hang onto you; I was praying one night, and I was asking Him, why He brought someone into my life, that was so much better than me, and someone so out of my league, someone that would take a great deal of patience to get. He didn't tell me much just:  _Hang on._ So, I'm hanging on, but I can't stop you from cutting my line.


	5. Dear Ella: Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the contrary.

Dear Ella, 

      A breathe of fresh air. My mood is back to wonderful, I am happy again, It's amazing how much you dictate my moods. Ella, I want you to know, that no matter what ever happens, you will always have a piece of me. Your the first girl that I ever felt so strongly about that I re-arranged my life. Your my motivation for almost everything I do. The thing I want you to understand is this: before you I wasn't good, I had no motivation, no drive, no will to live. So whenever you say something like "I feel like I'm holding you back." It kills me because you are so misinformed. Ella, you can't hold me back because I'm moving so slowly through this stage of my life, because I have no idea what I'm doing. This is all so frightening. I don't understand anything that happening, all I know is two truths. One: I want God, Two: I want you. Living like that is liberating. Because it means that everything I do has purpose. It still makes me laugh at how off guard you caught me. I was just hanging around, then I saw you and I didn't know why, but suddenly I had this burning desire to get to know you. Your contagious Ella, you have influenced me in ways that you may never know. You have filled every little desire I had and I looked for in a girl, and then some things I didn't know I liked, but now I do. I mean, before I met you I was barely holding on to life, then your eyes saved my life. But now, everything seems to be golden. I look forward to the moment that I can talk to you next, and I hope that I'm more courageous to actually talk to you besides small talk. My hope is that we can talk more like we did that one day, when we both poured out to each other. Funny the circumstances that surrounded that evening, painting and conversing. Potentially my new favorite activity.


End file.
